I took some time late last year after attending a women’s retreat to reflect on my life and the choices I needed to make in order to move forward with the things God had placed on my heart. There was something that one of the ladies said that caused me to realise a something about myself; she said that sometimes we think that winter is the most painful season to go through, but for some of us, Spring can be just as difficult, sometimes even more so. I know that not a lot of people may agree with that statement, but it made total sense to me.
Maybe it’s a personality thing. When I began to think about it, I can handle the cold of winter. Being alone in the presence of God and seeking comfort, even in the painful seasons, is not as difficult as being required by God to step into the spotlight.
I've always preferred solitude over the collective gathering.
Spring is hard. That may not be the case for everyone, but it is for me. The seed has to die in order to live. It must burst for it to grow and it must break the ground in order to live up to its full potential. The weather is conducive for blooming. The rain-refreshed soil is nudging me to grow, but it’s hard for people like me to get out of our shells and blossom.
I don’t have a desire to stand out or to be seen. I would rather have a background function in many of the roles I play in my life. Nonetheless, If I truly believe that God’s thoughts are higher than mine I will have to trust His judgment, even when it goes against everything I want to be.
So, I have conceded. I have chosen to step into the roles that He has been whispering to me about for months. As unnatural as this may be for me, I will do it. I will trust the Lord more than I trust my personality.
Like a Sunflower, I will look up when the Son beckons me to do so.